Wreck it; High school living and teenage singing

How can ONE person make such a big impact on you.

I have never been able to fully understand that. We are all the fake-st living things that god has ever created. And we find it hard to find something, anything real in this life. I never will understand why it is this way. I don't see why one person has the need or desire to hurt another person, or lie, or make something fall down. I have never understood a humans desire to see pain in someone else's eyes. Because not only do other people screw us up but lets face it we screw ourselves over too. We usually are smart enough to take ourselves out of painful situations yet we don't. Its like the abuse is addicting? I just noiuehfoiewfwnfwjr3208ryu2hoa!!!!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
But. Anyway.

My two biggest pet peeves are

1.) When someone will lie, or sugar coat something because they want to spare you the pain. 

OR

2.) When someone judges you before they get to know you.

I am a person. And I deserve a chance to show someone what I am capable of being. 

When someone hates me for no reason, all that does is make me want to lock what I really am deep inside. So that no one can really see the person that I am. Because if they hate the "fake" me then why would they like the "real" me? Kind of teenage like, but its hard to live past someones "thoughts" of you.

High school is so full of crap.

Because this is when you experience this the most. Everyday people walk around in a different skin hoping to live up to someone else's expectations of them. Its kinda like that really gross thing in supernatural that just changes their identity. Shape shifter! That's what it was. Anyways, that's basically what I feel like we are. We never actually are pure to our OWN person. We kinda cheat our way through life. Never putting ourselves out there because we are too scared of rejection, and pain. Which sucks because no one should ever make us feel like we can't be what we really are. I have always had problems accepting myself for everything I am because I haven't had much of a chance to actually show people what I am. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I have been at war with my own mind because of people constantly pushing me back in. I hate the feeling knowing that I haven't been good enough not just for someone else but for myself. Sometimes I want to put someone in my shoes...and myself in theirs. Just so I could get a better understanding of a person. 

Sorry.

I have a lot rambling in my mind.

All I know is high school life is hard and we all are teenagers singing the same song but we cant seem to harmonize.

Kay.

I am done rambling on.

Goodbye my fellow readers

I love you all!

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

Picture of the day:

Song of the day:

 Oh yeah. And I hate how cold it is.

Oh and I hate how I dont have my new camera yet.

Or how I am behind on credits.

Or how people suck.

Or how I never have enough food.

Or how I am going on and on about nothing.

Oh and I need new clothes.

Kay I am done for real this time.

Bye.

 Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are.

Rant

I cant explain it. This feeling I have. School has been crazy. And life has been running way too fast for me. I don't think I can remember the last time I actually felt like I could just relax. I don't know how to LIVE anymore. Honest and truly I don't know what to DO anymore. Its like I never get the chance to breathe when everything keeps getting shoved down my throat. Its almost graduation and its freaking me out. I feel like I am about to die or something when I know im not. I honestly have no idea what life is going to bring me after high school. I have been in the same routine since I was a little kid. Always gotten up at the same time, gotten ready for the same things. Everything has been on repeat. But now its like im playing a whole new song. I am freaking out too! School hasn't ever been my best subject in life. In fact im behind on graduation. (not so fun) That's part of whats bringing me down. Its a constant battle with my inner self trying to convince myself that im not a total failure and that I can do it.  School sucks and I hate it. The end to that rant.

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD! Or just who reads this.

OH yeah and i'm trying to be super good at having school spirit...
SO KIDS!
At Westlake....
Everyone go to the State cross country meet tomorrow!
It is 2$ to ride the bus up there and it leaves at 12! It would be super awesome to have as many kids as we can to support our awesome team!
THEN!
(yes it gets better)
There is a fundraising CHOIR CONCERT that night at 7! For 5$!!!
So peeps I know you want to come watch us dance and sing like crazy kids!!
Please be there for these things! It would mean a lot to all the kids who have been working hard for it!!!
THANKS!!!

Sometimes

Sometimes things happen and you don't know why. You don't want them too. You don't get why they did. You question everything. And after all the thinking and over analyzing and criticizing your suddenly drawing blanks. You suddenly are numb. I am numb. I am scared. I am alone. And I don't know why. All I know is that I want to run away. So terribly far away till I know nothing except my name. Till I have nothing except a bag, myself, my camera and god. I want to do something so crazy that I wont even have time for 20 seconds of insane courage. Something that has to happen right then and there. I am now in the point of my life where I don't believe anything anyone says. I don't trust anyone. I just love them but don't let them love me. Because I wont be staying long. I think when I lost "you". I did lose part of me. But I also gained a new me.
But that doesn't make me sad. That makes me excited to see what I have to find. I mean I am terrified everyday that I wake because I don't know what the day holds for me. But that fear is what keeps me going. That fear is what reminds me that I have to keep going in order to discover new things. I am so scared of being alone but I think its time that I learn how to do it. I have depended too much on people and now I am just going to depend on me and heavenly father. I know that I am not perfect and that I am certainly more to handle then most people. But I need to find people who will accept that. Because I am already broken and I don't need people breaking me even more. This is me, trying to make a better me. I just hope that people can accept that. Sorry for ranting. I'm done now.

K bye.

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

Stuff:

Haaaa wow I just realized how awkwardly bipolar these pictures are...blaahh oh well I liked em.

Oh...and my break was SUPER awesome...except minus a few things that I could of lived without. But besides those....IT ROCKED. WAAAAAHHOOOOOO.

Miss me

Hiding the feelings is easier then letting them out.

There have so many times where I have just wanted to scream at people, because they don't listen long enough for me to tell them how I feel. Because they push me in the back of the crowd.

I know i'm not perfect.

I know i'm crazy, hyper, loud, obnoxious and annoying.

I know i'm a lot to handle.

I know.

But I would prefer it if people would just tell me they have a problem, if people would just tell me how they feel instead of pushing me away.

Because when you push me away, It just makes me feel like I wasn't even worth the time in the first place.

I know I complain a lot. I know I get hurt easily so sometimes i'm sad. But doesn't that mean you should just be there?

I just cant handle the idea that someone would much rather get rid of a person then try and help them.

I apologize for the fact that i'm a broken mess. That I am so insecure that I myself don't even know who I am.

So if I don't know who I am. Please don't try and say you do.

All I ask is that for once in my life. Someone would stay around longer then a couple months. That someone would think I am worth....anything. 

I guess just remember that once i'm gone.

I'm gone.

So one day when you finally decide you miss me.

I wont be there.

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

No.

Hey guys. Ha holy I have been packed. It was the first week of school this week...or last week? Whatever it is now...It was great. I have had so much fun being a senior already. I had a sleepover with Shyanne on Sunday and we died my hair... that's right guys if you didn't notice I have dark hair again. I did tried to do root touch up with my blonde but it turned green so I kind of had no choice. Luckily it doesn't look too bad. We both got matching color streaks too. Love it. Some where in the last two weeks me and Adam hung out...we went to Cafe Rio and went to rock of ages..which by THE way is the worst movie EVER. Anyways so the first day of school was fun. I don't remember much because I stayed up all night figuring out what to wear. The second day was fun too. And so were all the rest. 

my schedule iiissss:

A1-Madrigals (choirrrr)

A2-Weather

A3-Accounting

A4-Teacher Aide

B1-Acapella

B2-Geometry

B3-Mythology

B4-Computer Tech

Yes I am aware I am in some lower grade classes but you now what....whatever. I am just expanding my...social circle...hanging with the 9th graders...

Ashlyn went from being "Hirchak" to "Gardner" this week though!:) I am so happy for her. They are the most perfect couple and I hope one day to find the love they have. I really do look up to them though. They have such a strong love that you can see just when they look at each other. She was the most beautiful bride and Jordan was such a dashing Husband working the purple paisley tie. But ya know. It makes me wonder if I have met my future husband or not.

 Hahaha we did have a football game against Timpview this weekend and a stomp. The game was fun but we lost. Like no touch down at all. I did cheer for number 4 on Timpview cause that's my cousin porter and ya know... family first yo. I didn't go to the stomp. Instead me and my best friend went to Mcdonald's with a bunch of other people. I have gone there so much this week. What the heck. If I don't ever get fat. Then I am getting heart disease or something.

Anyways (i'm having memory loss or something) Some time this week or last...me and Tayler and Shelby went on a adventure. We stole those big balloons at the car dealer ship that look like bouncy balls. And we went to Sammy's (best place in the world). It was after a very awkward hang out sesh with some boys. That was awesome. I love my friends. Today I went bowling with my bestest best friends ever. I love them all so much. 

I already am really excited for this school year. Its my last and I cant wait to see where I go this year. I know there are going to be trials but that's what you have to face. I know people may think i'm weird or crazy and that I might dress odd, but guess what. That's me. I am honestly proud of where I am today and that's what matters. I don't need to focus on the people who don't understand me or who don't like me. Because I am me. And I don't live for them. I only need the people in my life...who make me happy. Those are the ones that make my life worth living. And I can say that trying to please other people will get you no where. No where in life. You will set your self up to fail, because all you are doing is making your life for someone else. Letting them live it for you. I have had a lot of stressful moments this last month. And people may not of liked some of my decisions. But the fact is that I'M the on making them. I am the one becoming what I want to be. I have one more year of high school and I will make it my best. I want to get the heck out, yes. But that doesn't mean I wont enjoy it. Nothing is going to bring me down. Because I have so many great people to bring me up. I cant wait to experience life. 

So here's to all you haters...you guys are certainly getting no where in your life making someone else's life harder. I hope one day you find happiness in your own life and not in making some one else's worse. Because you can judge and you can hate and you can hurt others. But that will never pick you up in the long run. But I hope you find it...whatever your looking for. 

Smile...be happy...keep a open heart and a open mind...and be yourself no matter how hard the storm gets.

And say no to whatever it is that brings you down.

Thanks for reading guys:)!

Pictures of the day:

Before:

After:

Whut uppp:

Love of my freaking life:

My Best friends for EVER:

Balloon Bandits:

Tribute To Megan:

Okay that is ALL. I love you guys...Have a good night and the end:)

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful.

And remember, don't let anyone hold you down.

Song of the day:

Quotes of the day:

"In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart."

"I can't tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."

Do it for you

You know those moments when you feel totally and completely unimportant?
Ya I've been feeling a lot like that lately.
I feel ignored.
Like I'm not worth anyone's time.
People tell me I need to stand up for myself and not make everyone think it's okay to push me around. But the problem with that is even when I do stand up for myself no body cares. They do of course at that moment because it's pity, but I dont want pity. I want honesty. I want friends, real friends.
Everyday I try to make an effort to get noticed by this ONE group of friends...I try and talk and I get ignored. And they know it. It happens so often that they call it a "jade moment." I laugh at it because in a way it's funny. But in truth I'm kinda hurt by it because people , people that are my friends dont care.
Then when I finally stand up for myself.
Everyone calls me dramatic, or dumb, or annoying... How do they expect me to have any confidence and courage If all they do is go against their own advice?
It's get me no where.
It's get them no where.
And it gets our friendship no where.

If you feel like you dont matter, If you feel small and insignificant, then stand up for yourself. And if your like me where no matter what you do nothing changes? Then find better friends. People who do care. People who make you happy.
Don't make someone your priority if all you are to them is a option.

You matter.
Everyone matters.
Find people who make you happy a who you trust. People you know you can count on no mater what comes into the picture.
YOU deserve to be happy and you deserve the best. Dont spend your life trying to make other people happy, make yourself happy.
I believe in you.

Take a stand
And be true
Be you
And you will always be beautiful
I love you all