Wreck it; High school living and teenage singing

How can ONE person make such a big impact on you.

I have never been able to fully understand that. We are all the fake-st living things that god has ever created. And we find it hard to find something, anything real in this life. I never will understand why it is this way. I don't see why one person has the need or desire to hurt another person, or lie, or make something fall down. I have never understood a humans desire to see pain in someone else's eyes. Because not only do other people screw us up but lets face it we screw ourselves over too. We usually are smart enough to take ourselves out of painful situations yet we don't. Its like the abuse is addicting? I just noiuehfoiewfwnfwjr3208ryu2hoa!!!!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
But. Anyway.

My two biggest pet peeves are

1.) When someone will lie, or sugar coat something because they want to spare you the pain. 

OR

2.) When someone judges you before they get to know you.

I am a person. And I deserve a chance to show someone what I am capable of being. 

When someone hates me for no reason, all that does is make me want to lock what I really am deep inside. So that no one can really see the person that I am. Because if they hate the "fake" me then why would they like the "real" me? Kind of teenage like, but its hard to live past someones "thoughts" of you.

High school is so full of crap.

Because this is when you experience this the most. Everyday people walk around in a different skin hoping to live up to someone else's expectations of them. Its kinda like that really gross thing in supernatural that just changes their identity. Shape shifter! That's what it was. Anyways, that's basically what I feel like we are. We never actually are pure to our OWN person. We kinda cheat our way through life. Never putting ourselves out there because we are too scared of rejection, and pain. Which sucks because no one should ever make us feel like we can't be what we really are. I have always had problems accepting myself for everything I am because I haven't had much of a chance to actually show people what I am. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I have been at war with my own mind because of people constantly pushing me back in. I hate the feeling knowing that I haven't been good enough not just for someone else but for myself. Sometimes I want to put someone in my shoes...and myself in theirs. Just so I could get a better understanding of a person. 

Sorry.

I have a lot rambling in my mind.

All I know is high school life is hard and we all are teenagers singing the same song but we cant seem to harmonize.

Kay.

I am done rambling on.

Goodbye my fellow readers

I love you all!

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

Picture of the day:

Song of the day:

 Oh yeah. And I hate how cold it is.

Oh and I hate how I dont have my new camera yet.

Or how I am behind on credits.

Or how people suck.

Or how I never have enough food.

Or how I am going on and on about nothing.

Oh and I need new clothes.

Kay I am done for real this time.

Bye.

 Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are.

Rant

I cant explain it. This feeling I have. School has been crazy. And life has been running way too fast for me. I don't think I can remember the last time I actually felt like I could just relax. I don't know how to LIVE anymore. Honest and truly I don't know what to DO anymore. Its like I never get the chance to breathe when everything keeps getting shoved down my throat. Its almost graduation and its freaking me out. I feel like I am about to die or something when I know im not. I honestly have no idea what life is going to bring me after high school. I have been in the same routine since I was a little kid. Always gotten up at the same time, gotten ready for the same things. Everything has been on repeat. But now its like im playing a whole new song. I am freaking out too! School hasn't ever been my best subject in life. In fact im behind on graduation. (not so fun) That's part of whats bringing me down. Its a constant battle with my inner self trying to convince myself that im not a total failure and that I can do it.  School sucks and I hate it. The end to that rant.

Sometimes

Sometimes things happen and you don't know why. You don't want them too. You don't get why they did. You question everything. And after all the thinking and over analyzing and criticizing your suddenly drawing blanks. You suddenly are numb. I am numb. I am scared. I am alone. And I don't know why. All I know is that I want to run away. So terribly far away till I know nothing except my name. Till I have nothing except a bag, myself, my camera and god. I want to do something so crazy that I wont even have time for 20 seconds of insane courage. Something that has to happen right then and there. I am now in the point of my life where I don't believe anything anyone says. I don't trust anyone. I just love them but don't let them love me. Because I wont be staying long. I think when I lost "you". I did lose part of me. But I also gained a new me.
But that doesn't make me sad. That makes me excited to see what I have to find. I mean I am terrified everyday that I wake because I don't know what the day holds for me. But that fear is what keeps me going. That fear is what reminds me that I have to keep going in order to discover new things. I am so scared of being alone but I think its time that I learn how to do it. I have depended too much on people and now I am just going to depend on me and heavenly father. I know that I am not perfect and that I am certainly more to handle then most people. But I need to find people who will accept that. Because I am already broken and I don't need people breaking me even more. This is me, trying to make a better me. I just hope that people can accept that. Sorry for ranting. I'm done now.

K bye.

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

Stuff:

Haaaa wow I just realized how awkwardly bipolar these pictures are...blaahh oh well I liked em.

Oh...and my break was SUPER awesome...except minus a few things that I could of lived without. But besides those....IT ROCKED. WAAAAAHHOOOOOO.

Miss me

Hiding the feelings is easier then letting them out.

There have so many times where I have just wanted to scream at people, because they don't listen long enough for me to tell them how I feel. Because they push me in the back of the crowd.

I know i'm not perfect.

I know i'm crazy, hyper, loud, obnoxious and annoying.

I know i'm a lot to handle.

I know.

But I would prefer it if people would just tell me they have a problem, if people would just tell me how they feel instead of pushing me away.

Because when you push me away, It just makes me feel like I wasn't even worth the time in the first place.

I know I complain a lot. I know I get hurt easily so sometimes i'm sad. But doesn't that mean you should just be there?

I just cant handle the idea that someone would much rather get rid of a person then try and help them.

I apologize for the fact that i'm a broken mess. That I am so insecure that I myself don't even know who I am.

So if I don't know who I am. Please don't try and say you do.

All I ask is that for once in my life. Someone would stay around longer then a couple months. That someone would think I am worth....anything. 

I guess just remember that once i'm gone.

I'm gone.

So one day when you finally decide you miss me.

I wont be there.

Be True

Be You

Be Beautiful

Story telling

You know when a song on the radio is over played so much that you start to hate it?

At first you like it, It's new and exciting and then you hear it so much you hate it.

Sound familiar?

Its like drama. Or rumors.

We all get excited hearing something new. WE flock to it. With out even meaning to half the time. But then you become so sick of hearing the same stuff all the time that you then start to hate it, and the people who started it or were involved in it.

Then why do it you ask? Because it's like without it the human race can't survive.

We are drama, crazy hormonal driven people.

We feed off of that anger or happiness that comes from it. It's like a drug.

You know its bad and you want to stop. But you cant.

And soon it becomes almost just as bad as a drug.

Think about it.

Have you ever heard a rumor and been tempted (or have with out meaning to) tell another person about it?

Bet you have.

That there is you trying it

Once you start you cant stop.

Unless your one of those kids who stops drama or rumors, "Because I don't believe in it and i never will spread it blah blah blah."

Ya that's a lie.

We all have. And sadly as much as you want to deny it you at one point in your life you have been a dramatic person, you too have tried the drug. You too have at least a small addiction inside of you.

Sadly without that addiction its like the human race cant survive.

We could never be as exciting, crazy weird or insane.

We would be boring and all the same.

We have to have those insane emotional up and downs in our lives, we need to learn our lessons from them.

Crazy but so true.

So here is the test

Still live your life the way you have been (or better)

And spread things.

SPREAD IT ALL AROUND!!

But not rumors.

Not drama.

Not the BAD drug.

Spread stories

Non of that, "she is a whore" or "he got a girl pregnant"

non of that

I am talking about good stories, stories of your life and what you have learned, something that can help another person out.

I know there is a way to keep this addiction that we can't seem to live without.

We can still have our ups and downs...

But I know we can do it in more of a respectful way

so

stop bullying

start story telling

P.s Watch the movie cyber bully.

It's insane.

Thanks so much for reading you babes!

Love you all.

Post a comment, or follow me.

La la la LOVE you!

Bye!!

Be true.

Be you.

Be beautiful. 

Quotes of the day:

"You are who you choose to be."

"If you see someone without a smile, give them yours."

Songs of the day: