The winter stages

And that's that.

One little thing ruins your whole day.

And nothing of the expected either.

My life has consisted of the usual cycle once winter hits:

STAGE ONE

You start to become annoyed easily, everyone that opens their mouth in your general direction you become angered with and start having thoughts of hitting them....then you realize you are insane and put on a fake smile but still add a few bratty comments into the conversation.

STAGE TWO

You start to feel sad every second of the day even if you know your having a good time. You think about your crazy insane past that you know you should never bring up. And then you eat. And then you hear some crazy rumor about you that not even you knew about.

STAGE THREE

You feel like the whole world is against you and you trust no one. And then you listen to sad songs and become lonely.

STAGE FOUR

Your sick as heck and you miss a ton of school and fail. Then that explains all the previous stages in this cycle. Why? Because your moody and you have lot's of un-needed time to "heal" so you start to think...about crap. Sucks I know.

 

STAGE FIVE

You become angry about everything that you have held inside and you blow up, listen to some crazy good songs and suddenly become inspired to make a change in your life.

Unfortunately....

Stage five will only last a little while.....

Because then you realize all this isn't just suddenly happening! You realize this is weeks of denial and anger that you have been building up. That you have covered so well that not even yourself has noticed the problem occurring inside of you. Then you realize that you have to dig deep inside of the fake laughs and smiles get into the soul of yourself so you dig

and dig

and dig

and dig

dig

dig

dig

dig

and then

JACK POT

you have hit gold

Reasoning of my deep sadness?

YOU

you

you

you

AND YOU

This boy has held my heart for some months now and I cant accept the fact that I cant have him. SO I set out on the adventure to find a boy to love only to realize that I don't want any of them until I move on from the last boy. And I wouldn't be saying that I don't want them.....I would love to, its more like my heart isn't letting me love another boy cause I have my mind so hopelessly wrapped around this other fella. And also because my heart has been hurt so badly its too scared to let anyone in.

SO I challenge myself.....STOP talking to other boy so much....get over him...and finally be happy and let myself love another boy. And try to tell myself that not every boy is going to do what the last one did.

ADVENTURE TIME

As I set out on this crazy love extravaganza I meet some crazy amazing boys....who...are too amazing for me......AND THEN I meet some not so amazing boys....who don't really care to know who I am......AT the end of the day this adventure tires me out and I get discouraged.

The new day starts and the whole process happens again, But what was so different about this day? I opened my eyes and realized....I have to stop looking....because when the right young man comes...then he will come. And I have to not be so afraid to push him out, Come on Jade...you have to stop pushing them all away!

So tomorrow? Get to know some new people....and just be happy. When the time comes for you to love someone, then It will come. And it will come when you need it most. 

So lesson of this huge rant?

Just stay strong, keep calm and carry on.

Your heart is saving you for someone special.

Just don't be so closed as to loose your chance with that special someone.

Your heart knows what its doing, so give it a chance to do its job.

Well lovelies you are amazing.

thank you so much as to spend some time of your life reading my blog.

If you haven't done so go click that little button at the top that says "follow"

I love you all dearly.

Be true.

Be you.

Be beautiful.

Songs of the day: