wild day dreams of little tike

Wild day dreams ya ya ya i'm having those a lot lately...
Its funny to think about your life about the past year or well the past...16 years ive been alive.
and think about all those crazy dreams you use to have...the wishes you made...
I miss the days when you were allowed to eat with your fingers and not be considered gross...or when it was cute to mis - match or when you said stupid things people wouldn't title you as "weird"
those were for sure the good old days.

To think about my child hood is a little hard when I realize I have blocked almost every single memory possible from the ages of 7 to 10. I was most certainly that little girl that ran away when I made a mistake. I dressed in the most RANDOM things I could possibly imagine, but the truth is I was happy and content with my weirdness that I had formed all on my own. I thought I was the coolest girl ever when I found a little pokemon toy and everyone wanted it. I loved to play with littlest pet shop's and try to out beat all my friend's by buying new ones every week. I would make up little recipes cause I thought I could cook for the world one day.

I grew up afraid of expressing myself verbally though. I spoke my mind here and there but I never thought it was okay to tell someone how I felt. I grew up being very independent until it got to the point of my teachers calling my parents because I wouldn't accept help. I was a small girl who grew up in a very dis organized oddball family. I grew up in my grandparents house raised by my wonderful grandma and grandpa while I took care of my amazing sick momma. My grandpa and all my uncles were what I saw as my father figure. I always learned that whatever goes on in YOUR life goes on in every other family members life too. Family has always been something that I know I would never be able to live without. I always had my best friend there by side and still DO have my best friend in my life. My momma is ONE thing I cant live without. I took care of her and she takes care of me. She taught me to be who I am and love every part of it. She taught me to learn how to do things on my own.

I remember as a little tike I had wild day dreams of making a HUGE difference in someone else's life. Day dreams of being a vet and of moving into some CRAZY huge house with lots of money.
New wild crazy dreams of a teenager?
 Make a difference in someones life, Continue to grow closer to god, Find amazing husband one day and continue to live my life as best as I can.

Your past is what created you.
Love it, and learn from it.
Live your life the best you can.

Thanks so much for reading!
Please follow if you haven't already!:)
Your all amazing!

Be true.
be you.
be beautiful.

Quotes of the day:

"Speak the truth even if your voice shakes."

"You make look in the mirror and only see flaws, but someone else could look at you and only see beauty."

"You cant start the next chapter of your life if you keep re reading the last one."


Songs of the day:

random thoughts of my head? yeeuhh...

I don't know what it is about the month of October but it always seems to be a BIG month for me. Last year  on this day was the wonderful start of a long dramatic desperate year full of hear ache. It was also the month that started to change me and everything around me. I am honestly great-full for the pain I carried around last year. If it wasn't for last year I know I most certainly wouldn't be what I am today. There was a lot that could of been done DIFFERENTLY in October that's for sure. But that doesn't mean I need to dwell on something that made me a better person. I see people everyday who are sad because of a mistake they have made or something that has happened so long ago. I want to tell you all those mistakes are now more of a lesson to you. The past has made you exactly what you are today. And that is an amazing beautiful person. The past is something that has created you. The past is what has set you up for the today and the tomorrow. If you can learn to look and learn from the past instead on dwell on it....then your life will be a lot better.

 This October. I decided to make it the best I can. I have already gone on my FIRST date with my great friend Mitch it was super fun! I had some.....great crazy LONG nights;) with my amazing friends Tyson, Quincey, Kirsten, Tucker, Danny anndd Daxton!:) I love you all so much:) I had my weird choir concert that has been like too many of my old ones with my sweet friend Tayler! I went to a scary haunted house thing for the first time. I fell for boy that I once again cant have. I had a kind of photo shoot (like last year)....with Tayler.

I had some crazy times this month (so far)  I have made a lot of choices already.
A lot of things that have changed me. There's things I wish I could change but I have decided that whatever happens, happens for a reason so I am just going to go with it. I have realized that I need to stop thinking everyone is just super happy fine and dandy.... We don't all know what goes on in someone else's life. We need to realize that everyone else has their own story. You would be surprised by what people go through.

You may know their name,
But you dont know their story.


My new goal? Help someone everyday in some way.
It doesn't matter what it is. But that's what i'm going to do.

So those happy kids? And those quiet kids? Those mad and sad kids? Everyone?
Be nice to them.
Do you really know whats going on?
Do you honestly understand?
 Watch what you say please....
it might mean a bit more then you think

I love everyone.... (some more then others...) before I couldn't say that. There was one. One person that I couldn't forgive....It did honestly take a VERY VERY VERYYYYY long time to forgive them......but in the end it was worth it.                      


I may be open about my self....
but that doesn't mean I trust you.
Boys? ya.....uh uh. I am a little more closed to that one. I will tell you about my past. And about who I am. But I still will be closed about REALLY letting you in. I am happy every day. But there's things that still sit in the back of my mind. I am just a human being. Who has made just as many mistakes as every other person. And every mistake I make I try to fix. I hope maybe one day people can realize that.

So as the sum of this messed up mess of thoughts:
Love people.
Accept people.
and forgive yourself and everyone around even if its hard.

Well guys I love you all.
thanks so much for reading.
follow me if you want its the only time you wont get arrested for stalking!
Stay beautiful and true to you.


Songs of the day:

But stronger? That's exactly what I am.





Quotes of the day:

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."


"We can't become what we need to be, by remaining what we are."


"Here is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." 





Just a p.s to someone:
Everyday I regret what I did.......everyday....Im sorry I did what I did. I hurt people ok? I have said I am sorry many times. And all I want you to know is I actually mean it. I have grown up a bit too. At least admit I was wrong. I hope you realize I mean it. Dont hold yourself back from life. Because you deserve the best. Its been about a year and I want us to not be mad at each other anymore.

Forgive

Ya know the feeling you get when you accomplish something after tryinggg for so long?
ya I had that experience just this weekend.
But it wasn't something that I ever wanted to really do.
It wasn't something that I was REALLY trying to do.
This weekend....
I forgave the one person I didn't like.
I finally let go of the anger built up inside of me
and can I just say I feel amazing!

I was holding onto the past. I told people at first I wasn't angry at all but all that was doing was me attempting to convince myself that I wasn't upset. Then I started to build anger inside of me.....and I was happy but there was this small part of me that wasn't letting things go. Things started to build up and I was not being very accepting of life.
Then the weekend started to come and I will be honest I was nervous I didn't know how I would feel about seeing all these people. And I didn't know how I would feel about seeing the one person I wasn't happy with. The day was going by and I was having a blast seeing all my friends Nate, Kyle, Casey, Hannah and Stephen! Then I headed to the big game Mountain View vs. Orem! It was AWESOME! Super cold and wet but awesome!!! Sadly we lost at the last minute by ONE point. But we still played amazing! I partied it up with everyone who I missed and then had an amazing sleepover where I crashed at Haley Lopp's house:) Next morning to wake up at 7:30 am to go to the cross country race in Springville! It was soooo fun cheering my heart out for everyone! Then got to see Joseph Rowberry:) LOVE that boy sooooo much! And Mountain View did AWESOME at region! GO BRUINS! Anyways I went back to Haley's house and we played some basket ball then jammed out in Kline's broken lil car! Then Peyton Cram came and picked me up and we went to the amazing BYU football game! We saw Jaden Henrickson and River and Kaden and Chaz and Marcus and Trent Oviatt!:) Love them all!
The game was AWESOME! BYU won BY A LAND SLIDE! I don't care i'm a BYU fan forever.
Then I went to Peyton's and spent the night had so much fun with the girl I love her:) Then went to church with her to hang out with my great friends that I have missed had a GREAT lesson in young women's! Then I went back to Peyton's had dinner fell asleep on the couch and headed home! Thank you Jesse for the ride! Then my cute best friend Tayler came for a quick visit and we had a little chat about our awesome weekend! Hahaha OK so my weekend was amazing but back to what I was rambling on earlier about.....This weekend I let it all go. The anger I had built up inside of me? All gone. I feel amazing. I haven't been happier. I don't dis like anyone I don't hate anyone now. I feel great! And I feel like a better person. I was always telling other people not to hold onto it. But I was holding onto something myself. Its a lot better to forgive and to just love everyone and everything around you! I wanted to say sorry to everyone I have hurt before. Your all aammmazzinnngg and I love you! I am so glad I got to see everyone again and SO glad I forgave. I missed everyone so much. It was a cold and wet weekend but the best I have had by far in a long time! I cant wait for this weekend:) It is going to be amazing!!!!

Well guys
I love you ALL
Stay happy
Be who YOU want to be
And forgive.


Quotes of the day:

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

"I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change."

"It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive."

Song of the WEEKEND:

Thanks SO much for reading your all amazing!!!:)